056 Vicki Higgins followup – How to create your Dream Life!

No mistakesIn our kitchen table conversation with Vicki Higgins, we learned about her 5-step process for resetting your life. Steps 2 (Find the gold in your challenges) and 3 (Design your dream life) really hit home with us in this conversation. Here are some of the nuggets that meant a lot to us.

Hear the podcast:

Please subscribe here on iTunes!  

Watch the video:

Find this video HERE on YouTube!

In this episode:

Similarly to our conversation with Sonya Ramsey, Vicki encourages people to follow their inner voice, or inner guide. She calls it “following your inner GPS”. This is a critical first step to recognizing that it may be time to reset your life.

Debbie, Wendy, and Linda started by briefly recounting the 5 steps to resetting:

  • Foundation – like values clarifiation.
  • Find the gold in your challenges
  • Design your dream life (with the 8 Fs)
  • Create your strategy – figure out what you’re going to do and how you’re going to do it
  • Action steps – do it!

Then we went more deeply into the 8 Fs that help you create your dream life:

  • Faith
  • Family
  • Friends – The 5 people with whom you hang out the most will have a tremendous impact on you! Hang out with people who will help you raise your life to another level. So choose your friends carefully.
  • Fitness/health – Give yourself permission to take care of yourself. Reframe “fitness” as anything you love to do that gets you moving!
  • Fun – We all want to have fun, but who makes time for it?? Make sure you schedule time for it.
  • Firm/career – FIND a way to love it! Or else find a way out. 😉  Instead of saying, “I have to…”, reframe and say, “I get to do this” or “I choose to do this”. Remember to find ways to serve, wherever you work. Wouldn’t it be great if we ALL went above and beyond??
  • Finances/contribution – The more you give away, the more you receive. Remember that your subconscious doesn’t know grammar, so when you say, “I need to get out of debt” all it hears is “DEBT”! So reframe and say something like, “I am moving toward abundance and financial generosity.”
  • Feelings – Acknowledge them, but don’t let them become too big a piece of the pie. Don’t forget to be patient with yourself!

Finally, we talked about finding the gold in your challenges. Vicki is an INCREDIBLE person, who has been able to weave gold out of very painful experiences. It is the opposite of wallowing in victim mentality. We all have something that makes us feel hurt, dented, or wounded; peel back the onion and see what treasure you can find inside.

Join our conversation!

What part of your life – which of the 8 Fs – needs a little more attention right now? Do you have a challenge that you can mine for gold? Please share in the comments below!

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Vicki is available for business and life coaching. She pointed out that many times high-level people come to her for business coaching, and end up dealing with all the rest of their lives too! You can find Vicki at VickiHiggins.com.

Vicki’s book, to which she is a contributing author, is  No Mistakes; How you can change adversity into abundance.

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048 Nicole Zangara – Surviving Female Friendships: Follow Up Conversation

Nicole Zangara - Author Surviving Female Friendships: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

Nicole Zangara – Author
Surviving Female Friendships: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

All three of the Mighty Married Moms share personal experiences of what it’s like to travel in the world of female friendships. We know you can relate!

Author Nicole Zangara gives voice to some parts of life and relationships that can be a source of joy and strength AND be a source of pain and isolation. See/listen to our kitchen table conversation with her here.

Hear the podcast:

Please subscribe here on iTunes!  

Watch the video:

Find this video HERE on YouTube!

In this episode:

  • We all have fond and not so fond memories of being “in” and being “out” with our female friends
  • Good Bad and Ugly definitely characterize our experiences!
  • Women are very invested in the emotional lives of one another and when something goes wrong, we feel it deeply
  • We learn early and often how to wade through our female friendships…. starts as children and into Jr. High (YUCK!) High School, College and some of those early ones persist throughout life
  • College dorm friendships can be really a powerful bond
  • Parenthood changes female friends to the other moms; not necessarily freely chosen!
  • Deborah Tannen’s work in research reveals that men want to connect and find ways to bond and be on the same side
  • Men try to compete and distinguish themselves
  • Presents challenges at work as work is more of a make arena and making typical female bonding bids may not be “appropriate”
  • Women crave connection and empathy – Six Magical Words between women
    • I know….
    • I understand….
    • That’s hard….
      • We are skilled at creating a safe space for others and these six words are good reminders
  • Relationship safety online! Model good relationship skills both online and face to face

Join our conversation!

What’s the best part of your female friendships?

Resources mentioned in this episode:

BOOK! Surviving Female Friendships : “The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly”
Nicole’s BLOG! Surviving Female Friendships – Go on over and make some comments!
Deborah Tannen Book: You Just Don’t Understand- Women and Men in Conversation

 

047 Nicole Zangara – Surviving Female Friendships: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

Nicole Zangara, Author Surviving Female Friendships: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

Nicole Zangara, Author
Surviving Female Friendships: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

Female friendships can bring fullness and joy and, all too often, can bring some real pain to women’s lives. Author, therapist and blogger, Nicole Zangara, LCSW, brings a powerful and much needed light on this subject!

FROM AMAZON – “Women with strong, long-lasting female social relationships are likely to live years longer than those without. 

If you rely on your female friends to help you decide what to wear to land the perfect job, advise you how to get your newborn to sleep at 3 a.m., confide in you with their closest secrets, that not only improves the quality of your life, but also the longevity of it. So why, then, is that friend so hard to find? And why is she so hard to keep these days?

As the second decade of the 21st Century accelerates full speed ahead, more and more women are finding that their fast-paced lifestyles are leaving important casualties in their wakes—especially friendships. Increasingly, women bemoan learning of friends’ engagements on Facebook rather than in-person or by telephone. Or they may experience the dull ache of being texted pictures from an event they weren’t invited to.”

Biography of our guest

Nicole Zangara is a therapist in Arizona who grew up in Massachusetts. She sees all ages and stages in her counseling practice. She got her BA from American University in Washington, DC and her Master’s in Social Work from Washington University in St. Louis.

Hear the podcast:

Please subscribe HERE on iTunes!

Watch the video:

You can find the video HERE on YouTube!

In this episode:

  • As a therapist, Nicole hears A LOT about how friendships impact us
    • Seems to have some shame around how friendships can go by the wayside… Why do we stop talking? Why does someone walk away?
  • Building friends with women is similar to dating! Share a lot of intimate information … want to spend time together… go to each others family functions… go on road-trips… we share so much.
  • Male friendships are more action oriented… playing sports, not so much talking in depth.
  • These gender lines are drawn early… girls are emotionally tied to other girls and boys play!
  • Best aspects of female friendships? Women go deep and love having a best friend… lean on them and count on them.
  • When things are feeling “off”, we get wobbly. But, transitions are inevitable and things can shift.
  • Losing a support can be very traumatic.
  • Define a friend: There is a trust with personal information… know that they will hold that trust. Women friends feel like family, like sisters.
  • Fostering friendship, even over distance, with the phone, texting, visits… female friendships are a LIFELINE! Women dive into their pasts so that their friend really know them.
  • Men use their friendships to hang out but not necessarily to go deep and get to know them.
  • Kitchen table conversations – Like Lucy and Ethel… Really witnessing another woman’s heart felt concerns. You only need 6 words –
    “I know” “I understand” “That’s hard”
  • In therapy,kids/teenagers are reporting a lot of bullying and harshness – mean girls are real. Drastic measures becomes necessary recently… like having to change schools!
  • To meet this bullying/harshness, parents need to TALK about stuff with kids… process their day. MODEL kind heartedness with your friends.
  • ALSO, be aware of your child’s social media. Be open to the fact that your child may be putting out some hurtful/bullying messages.
  • When a friendship is feeling off… COMMUNICATION is key. “I” language is key… “I feel things are rocky…” “You are important to me, I want this to work…” Reveal what is important to you… avoid pointing out others’ faults, rather…  “I need xyz in our relationship.”
  • Hold off on faulting yourself… stop personalizing.. “It’s my fault!”… the other person may be going through things that have nothing to do with you! Changes in life chapters are inevitable.
  • Communication is so key and understanding boundaries…. Don’t judge the other person’s boundaries… Enjoy the differences!

Join our conversation!

Please share in the comments below: What is one way your BFF shows you the love?

Resources mentioned in this episode:

BOOK! Surviving Female Friendships : “The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly”
Nicole’s BLOG! Surviving Female Friendships – Go on over and make some comments!